If you come to my office or call my phone, I'm billing time.

I love my job. Most days I really do. I am King (err, Queen) of my little 12 by 14 square foot dominion. I can tell just about anyone to shove off. I do things my way, within the bounds of ethics, professionalism, and rules of court of course (disclaimer, check.). Being self employed makes one thing clear - you can never go back. You become utterly psychologically incapable for the rest of eternity of saying, "X is my boss." That being said, like everything else, there are drawbacks. First, inclement weather sucks. Inability to get to the office/courthouse means money down the drain. Same idea applies with being sick (as if being sick isn't bad enough). Then there is the obvious recurrent "I hope I can pay myself this month, damn this recession" haunting my dreams. But the worst thing. . . PEOPLE - STOP TRYING TO STEAL FROM ME. Would you go to K'mart, select a quality garment from the rack and then walk out with it? (I just realized what I implied..."Anna's legal services are to a garment from K-Mart as Attorney X's legal services are to a garment from [insert nice store]). My legal services are excellent thankyouverymuch, K-mart was just the first store I thought of living in Lee County and all). I digress. Here's what happens ALL.DAY.LONG. Person calls and explains in great detail the problem they are having with husband/wife/girlfriend/babydaddy. At the end of this LOOOONG, sometimes incoherent, story, almost always comes the question, "Do ya'll charge a consultation fee?" Uhm. Yeah. "Okay, thank you." Click. What people don't get is that my time is my merchandise. Well, that, and a (very expensive) bank of knowledge. I don't have anything else for you, folks. I sell you my time. If I could sell you paper clips and white-out out of my desk, in these times I probably would. I send a bill, which includes time spend discussing with client his or her case over the phone. They don't understand why I would dare charge them for a simple phone call. How do you think I earn a living? I mean, where would we be if we talked to people all day and didn't bill for it? Would you like some Post-Its today with your paper clips and White-Out, Sir? OH...WAIT. Amber was just reading this over my shoulder and reminded me of perhaps the most irritating thing. People actually try to haggle with us over our fees. For example, person asks how much our fee is for a certain legal service. We tell them, say 300 dollars. They say, "Attorney X does it for 200"). Go to Attorney X then. Dern. Why are you here. There waiting for you to say, "Oh, well we'll do it for 175). Sike. I've never fallen for that trick. My response is always, "I'm sorry. We don't negotiate fees" when I'm really thinking, "This ain't no yard sale."

A group of clever, musically talented attorneys put together this song entitled "The Billing Song", sung to the tune of Cindy Lauper's Time After Time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TkuZ5oI9uY