Top Ten Most Dangerous Things About Bed Rest

10. Etsy - I have just discovered this website. My friend Cammie's baby girl always has the most adorable accessories - tutu's, crochet hats, hair bows. She says she gets it all on Etsy. I've never been one to shop online. In fact, we didn't even have internet at the house until I had to go on bed rest and do work from home. But geez! Have you seen this stuff?! I've picked out at least four crocheted newborn beanies, several pairs of handmade Mary Jane's and enough hair bows to make my husband really uncomfortable. Don't worry Drew, I haven't bought anything. Well, I kind of did but not really. HEY MOM - READ THIS: MAGGIE NEEDS SOME CROCHETED BABY HATS. (PS: Some of them have teddy bear ears).

9. QVC/Home Shopping Network - All I can say is flameless candles. I really need some flameless candles. Then I can "light" all of the candles I want without my house reeking of a French brothel. I want get fussed for leaving candles burnign all night. Furthermore, scented candles cause phlem issues and I wake up the following morning sounding like an 80 year old man. Not good for anyone's marriage. MOM - READ THIS ALSO. I NEED SOME FLAMELESS CANDLES. IT'S FOR MY HEALTH.

8. Amazon.com. They sell more than books! Yesterday I bought a new battery charger for my camera to replace the one I lost - and saved twenty dollars! That's hardly a frivoulous bout of online shopping I realize. But I've realized the potential hazard there.

7. The Pottery Barn Kids catalog - Typically I would flip through it and think how nice that, that, that and that would be, and then I would just go to K-mart (which is like 1,000 times better than Wal-mart). Being mostly sequestered to the couch, I can't go to K-mart to select my Pottery Barn comparable items (ha!), which also makes this a potential hazard. I've only bought one Pottery Barn Kids Item - A gorgeous quilt for Maggie's crib that came in the mail today. But I didn't really buy it - MOM DID!

6. Toilet Paper - I've been instructed on how important it is to consume large amounts of water. Apparently dehydration begets contractions. (Which very well could have been the culprit since it was 100 degrees for days and I was in constant motion.) Consuming large quantities of water coupled with being real big means constant (like, every 15 minutes) trips to the bathroom. Toilet paper is expensive, ya'll.

5. Plumbing issues - See Number 6. Too much toilet paper is a problem for more than your wallet.

4. Critters in the Attic - Before now I was rarely, if ever, alone in this big quiet house. I would have never heard those critters in the attic. Meaning those critters would never have bothered me. Ignorance (especially about critters) is bliss. I closed the door to Joseph's room last week and I heard them/it. Them/tt scurried . . . And them/it sounded like it had some weight to it/them. My dad brought over some traps but no one has volunteered to put them up there. Those critter traps are still on the porch. That's how we roll. READ THIS MOM: THOSE CRITTER TRAPS NEED TO BE PUT IN THE ATTIC.

3. The Happy Man and His Dump Truck and Corduroy Goes to the Doctor - You may ask why these two innocuous childrens' books pose a bed rest hazard?
Since bed rest I spend time with Joseph by laying in his bed at night and reading books. The only two he will let you read are The Happy Man and His Dump Truck and Corduroy Goes to the Doctor. He has them both memorized and can "read" along. These books pose a bed rest hazard because they must be read several times a piece. This is not a good habit for when baby sister comes since he's now used to me laying in bed with him for a really long time, but what do you do? It's the only time I can get really close to him.

2. Potential Home Improvement Projects - We just moved into our house in June and it needs lots of painting, decorating, picture hanging, carpet laying, tile fixing, furniture acquiring. Lot's of time to look around and think about these things and plan what needs to be done. Problem is, these this are expensive! I've had a painter come into to give me a quote and it about knocked me down. Having time to think about these things is a definite hazard.

1. Number one will be saved for a later post. It will be a shocking revalation!

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